Conversations With My Big Boy

Last night I realized I only have a few more days to hug this guy while he's still four.

Five is so big, so legit, so not on the cusp of boyhood anymore. Waaaaaaah! In honor of him, I want to share some favorite quotes as of late.

"Uh, did you know? Me and Dada are both boys."

I was dictating something into my phone and C picked up a baby monitor and said, "I pooped on the ceiling" into it. (I must look pretty cool talking to no one on my phone.)

While playing superheroes with Charley, I overheard C tell him he was going to throw a "tramp" on him. (trap)

While telling me about the spinal cord, which they've been discussing at preschool, C informed me that it sends "singles" from your brain. (I'm hoping they're eligible ones!)

Stay sweet my little man!

Happy

C is turning five next week. A is beginning to walk. Millions of small moments, a few major ones, and a dash of hormones are making me a bit sentimental. I'm trying to turn my mood around and realizing I may be putting more energy into the things I think make me happy (maybe just by convincing myself that something is missing) and not enough into the things that actually do. So let's break it down with a chart.

What I think will make me happy vs. What makes me happy

perfection                                            reasonable expectations with attainable steps
grand gestures                                     presence
chivalry                                               unconditional love
nicer stuff                                            gratitude
big step                                                consistency
spontaneity                                          structure
more coffee                                         square meals
housework                                          running
procrastinating                                    embracing gratifying work
motivating                                           snuggling


Not that we need to be all steady all of the time, but I need a little less self-induced kookoo in my life.

Myth Busters: Stay At Home Edition

I love being home. If I'm being honest, I dread going back to work (and I LOVE my work). But at the moment, I love not rushing us all out the door at 6:45, letting my kids sleep when they need it, walking C to school, being at home during the day, taking care of my baby all day, having relaxing evenings that don't involve recovering from the day and preparing for the next, having real weekends where I'm not playing catch-up at school and at home, occasionally baking, and not being dog tired (and cranky) all of the time. I love that when A had a fever in the middle of the night last week one of my first thoughts was not, "I have to put together sub plans". I love that I didn't have to move mountains to be here for a plumber to (sort of) fix our leaky washing machine hose this morning. With this gloat said, there are some things I did not expect about being home:

Caring for children is a full-time job. There is a reason people get paid to do this. It is actual work that requires time, effort, and attention. It's not a side gig.

My house does not stay clean. If I wanted to make maintaining a spotless house my goal, I could probably dedicate myself to that (there would always be something to do!). It would entail ignoring my kids and having no fun, though. We are home more. We make messes. One of us is a young boy who is perfecting his "aim" (I'll leave it at that.) Home is presentable maybe some of the time.

Dinner is still a hot mess. Or something reheated. Or a lame salad. I am not a domestic goddess, I would be kicked off of Mad Men.

There is not a daytime party that I was missing before. I thought I would connect with other moms who send their kids to part-time preschool. Know what? Most people are dropping off their kids and working, even if they aren't getting paid for it. I have been on exactly two daytime dates, and they were both with a friend from work who is on maternity leave.

I still wake up in the middle of the night and worry.

Even though I could make the time, I still don't want to clean the upstairs closet. I'm delinquent on sending birthday cards (for September birthdays, people! the shame!) And I don't want to play ninjas all afternoon.

I still have mommy guilt. (See the above bits about dinner and playing ninjas.)

People who blog about being at home and seem all nonchalant about it are really talented fiction writers who are disciplined. Anything you want to accomplish takes discipline. I was really looking forward to a year of doing things without really trying. That was a fantasy.

I'm sure there are more. I love this year for the experiences as well as the perspective. I want to tell moms who do this every year that this is hard work (as if they didn't already know that) and to give yourself a break. I want to tell moms that aren't with their kids all day (which will be me next year) that the struggles are the same, time together is time together (be it walking, driving in the car, going to the grocery store), and to give yourself a break. Okay, let's all give ourselves a break. :)

Hahahahaha

I thought I was going to have time to blog. That's so funny!

Do You Ever Trash Talk Your Kids?

I followed Joanna's link to this article. This is such a good reminder to me, both as a mom and teacher. I especially love the part about children not being at an age to defend themselves. Framing it as not taking shots at those who are vulnerable is enlightening, as it's hard not to do the My Big Fat Greek Weeding thing anytime someone pays me a compliment (remember how they spit on whatever blessing was called into attention to ward off the evil eye?). I think deep down we are so immensely proud of our children and we feel like they are an extension of ourselves, that putting them down is some weird demonstration of modesty. I'm going to work on rerouting that misguided response.

Today I am grateful for:
my sister's one year anniversary (Isn't seeing the people you love happy the best?!!)
Hammond's Ice Cream is officially open (Hooray for summer!)
everyone is healthy and good

Countdown to Magical Year: 21 Days!

Soooo, I'm Cate. Mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, kindergarten teacher...except next year I won't be a kindergarten teacher. I will be home. I'm not going to shout my age from the rooftops, but I'm not that old and I have been teaching for seventeen years. I love teaching; it is my passion, a huge part of who I am and I fully intend to return to it in one year. But after having this girl

in the fall, and after much hemming and hawing, Charley and I decided I could take a year off to be with her. And him. 

I have named this time my magical year. I will also be pursuing my professional goals around becoming a better project-based teacher and early childhood educator. But back to my magical year.

My hopes and dreams for this year are...
presence (Okay, this is overdone, but I truly want and need to SLOW DOWN. I love this piece on being busy. I'm not busy, but I'm juggling a lot. I know this doesn't make me unique.)
cooking and baking (maybe just baking)
reading more (fun stuff and heavier stuff)
exploring parks/beaches/museums with the kiddos (mid-week!)
running/doing yoga regularly
crafty fun with the kiddos
having friends over for dinner 
coffee dates!!! (Currently the closest thing I have to coffee dates is Instagram-stalking friends while eating my PB&J and pumping at lunch. I won't be posting pictures of myself at lunch anytime soon. Promise.)
reflecting and giving gratitude 

Okay, that's the plan.


Please chime in! Do you stay home? Did you take extended time off? How'd it go?